Thankless Me

The past week or so Jesus keeps leading me to the account of the ten healed lepers.  I can’t get it out of my head and I have read it possibly 982 times now.  In Luke 17: 11-19 we meet 10 lepers who, when Jesus passes them, cry out to Him to have pity on them.  Jesus tells them to go show themselves to the priest.  And they do.  Along the way to go show the priest ALL TEN LEPERS ARE HEALED OF LEPROSY.  Amazing. I’m sorry, more than amazing, astonishing.  Overwhelming.  Holy- cow- one- minute- I ‘m- an –outcast- leper- who- has- to- live- in- a- leper- colony- away- from -my –family- and- the- next- thing- I- know- Jesus- is- telling –me- to- go- see- the- priest type of amazing day.  And they know what He is doing because all lepers know that if they are healed they must go show a priest to be verified as healed and clean. They hope they know what Jesus is going to do…and then He just does it.  And ten lepers were healed walking on a crazy road of obedience.  One of them, a Samaritan (and that is shocking y’all because Jews hated Samaritans and likewise), sees that he is healed and runs back to Jesus, falls at His feet and thanks Him.  Jesus asks where the other nine who were healed have gone…why are they not there to praise God for their healing???  A miracle took place in the life of ten people and only one came back, and the one who came back wasn’t even a Jew…it was a Samaritan. Ten people asked Jesus for PITY and received complete, miraculous healing instead.  And still only one returned.  The least likely one returned.   God is killing me with this story this week.  As 2013 comes crashing to an end, I am standing with the 10 lepers and reminded of who I am.

I am a thankless healed leper.

 I am sitting in my kitchen while Grace puts together a puzzle, after assuring me that puzzles make you smart…still in her pajamas…still with her bedtime braids…still with her stinky breath.  It is Christmas break and she has been sick since Thursday night.  She is on the mend and tomorrow is going to be a new day.  She has filled my head full with all sorts of love during her sickness.  She is one of those kids who get ooshy gooshy sweet when she doesn’t feel good, and to be honest, it is a nice break from the fierce and ferocious strong willed Grace of the daily Hooks House.  Joshua is asleep in his crib.  It was a fight to the finish for the nap, but mom won because I am old and he is my fourth baby.  He is snuggled in a softer than soft blankey with his bottom high in the air.  I love my sleeping bundle.  Jake and Jude are jumping on trampolines with friends from school because they needed a break from the sick house.  Neither of them got everything they asked for from Santa Claus this Christmas.  Neither of them complained.  Not once.  They didn’t ask for the things missing either.  They were genuinely thankful in big ways.  I love those two.  Corey and I sure needed that this Christmas.  My husband has a new job.  He loves it.  His boss is a Christian who prays over each patient before surgery.  Corey looks forward each day to going to work.  Every skill that Jesus has painstakingly honed over the past 8 years is all being put to use.  It amazes me to see what God was up to as he put my husband in crazy career situations, and I am reminded that God had a plan all along.  And me, today I am a writer.  For real.  This year my husband said that I am a writer and I should stay home and write.  I should quit treating it as a hobby and treat it as my career.  He said we are putting it on our tax return and everything…for real.  This year has been good.  Today was evidence enough.

 

I asked Jesus for a lot of things this year.  To be honest I do every year.  Every year I send up a litany of prayers to Jesus, prayers that sometimes I forget the moment they leave my mouth.  I have asked for big things this year and really small things.  I have prayed for babies being born and babies being adopted.  I have prayed for my husband’s job and my children’s teachers.  I have prayed for my marriage, my friend’s marriages, my parent’s marriage, people who want to be married and people that want out of their marriages.  I have prayed for friends with cancer too many times to count this year.  I have prayed for healing in relationships, healing of illness and injury and healing of heartache too.  I have prayed for people I see every day and people I have never met before.  I have prayed with tears streaming down my face.  I have prayed huffing and puffing while I try to run.  I have prayed on living room floors holding the hands of girls I love tremendously.  I have prayed on back porches.  I have prayed over a zillion meals.  I have prayed in my driveway, in my car, on the side of the road, on the phone, and before I fall asleep. I have prayed with Jake, Jude, Grace and even baby Joshua.   I have cried out to Jesus again and again throughout 2013 begging Him to have pity on me.  Begging Him. 

“They stood at a distance and called out in a loud voice, ‘Jesus, Master, have pity on us!’ When he saw them, he said, ‘Go show yourselves to the priests.’ And as they went, they were cleansed.”  Luke 17:12-14

I have stood at a distance and called to Jesus in a loud voice, mustering all the courage I have and all the obedience I can find, and I have asked Him again and again to have pity on me.  I have stood at my safe distance from Him and kept my fingers crossed behind my back and hoped against hope that Jesus would deliver what I really needed .  I have been so afraid of my requests sometimes that I have tried to frame them in all sorts of holy words like, “God’s will” and “His plan”…when I needed to just tell Jesus the truth and ask Him for peace at the homework table because I was about to murder three children before dinner, or for a friend to call because I have never felt so lonely in my life, or a nap, or to not argue with my husband about money this month, or to be the mom my kids need me to be instead of the mommy I see on TV or in PTA or at church and please help me not to feel like a failure all the time… I have stood and needed to ask for healing and I have asked for pity instead.

And every time I tried to ask for my holy moly, please-don’t-think-I-am-shallow-Jesus stuff, He saw me and answered the real prayer instead. 

I love Jesus, y’all.

I have stood at a distance and called to Jesus in a loud voice, mustering all the courage I have and all the obedience I can find, and I have asked Him again and again to have pity on me.  I have asked for pity because I had lost all hope in anything else.  I have lost the hope that I could be healed or saved.  I have lost hope that anything could be done to change situations.  I have lost hope in the goodness of others.  I have lost hope in the goodness of myself.  I have lost hope in the goodness of God.  And in those moments when I am praying and tired and worn out from praying the same prayers, I ask God for pity, or nothing, or the smallest little things because I am too spent to ask for anything more.  I cannot imagine the miracle, so I go for the obvious.  Jesus is Jesus so pity will come easy to Him. 

And every time I tried to ask out of weariness or hopelessness, He saw me and answered with an amazing outpouring of more than I could have ever imagined or hoped for…

And so much love, y’all.

I have stood at a distance and called to Jesus in a loud voice, mustering all the courage I have and all the obedience I can find, and I have asked Him again and again to have pity on me.  And walked along with my miraculously answered prayers and told everyone about it…but never returned to the one who answered me…the one who told me the steps to take…the one who orchestrated the plan or saw me shouting from a distance.  I have failed to fall at the feet of Jesus over and over again this year and thank Him for the answered prayers that are all around me now.  I simply continue walking.  Prayer answered.  Time to keep moving.  More prayers to be called out to you in just a few moments, Jesus.  No thanks.  Just more requests. 

And I am so sorry.

Thank you, Jesus for this year.  Thank You for Joshua and his amazing surprise birth, and all the friends who decorated my room, my “nursery” and my life with crazy love for the best baby ever.  Thank You for teachers who did so much more than teach my children math and reading…teachers that became Your hands and feet inside the classrooms that my sons and daughter spent hours in each day.  Thank You for the swim team for Jude, he needed his very own place to excel.  Thank You for my walks to and from school every day filled with laughter and friendships that You organized with people from Sweden to India to Austin.  Thank You for my husband’s new job, You never stop providing for us and You make it so obvious how much You love him.  Thank You for Jake getting the role of the “Boogie Woogie Piano Man” in the 4^th grade musical, it blessed my soul to see him strut his stuff on stage.  Thank You for lunches everyday for the children at Generation One and meeting needs and the best hugs ever.  Thank You for turkeys for Thanksgiving dinners for a multitude, a sheer multitude of families.  Thank You for the women who answer Your call every time there is a need or a crisis and I watch You move throughout the Body of Christ bringing people together.  Thank You for every Jesus Story shared this year.  You floored me Lord.  People have walked through so much, and You have never left them.  Thank You for my home.  Thank You for asking for three years and not just one in this house.  Thank You for keeping us cozy and warm.  Thank You for leftover lunches on Saturdays…a feast every weekend.  Thank You for hand me downs, and coupons at just the right moment.  Thank You for our Wednesday prayer group. Thank You for Cracker Barrel and checkers and the dang Country Store.  Thank you for Pandora Sara Groves radio.  Thank You for knowing I was a writer from the moment you created me.  Thank You for a friend who loves chickens.  Thank You for computers for my kiddos and rainbow looms at Generation One.  Thank You for my mini van that drives us all over Texas.  Thank You for friends that don’t believe in Jesus, and never make me feel like I can’t talk about You. Thank You for friendships that have held me together and sent me to scripture and into Your arms.  Thank You for a marriage that has withstood so much.  Thank You for a daughter who reminds me that  Grace is a force to be reckoned with and You named her accordingly.  Thank You for a new mattress.  Thank You for new shoes.  Thank You for birthday blessings in Nashville and birthday parties in Katy.  Thank You for Julia and Eli and how sunsets will never be the same.  Thank You for all four of my parents.  Thank You for both of my sisters.  Thank You for requiring more of me than I ever could give so that I will lean on You completely and get to watch You move mountains 7 days a week all year long.  Thank You.  Thank You.  I cannot say it enough.  Thank You.

 

And I wonder how long the ten lepers had prayed for healing.  I wonder if months or years or decades had passed with the same prayer all day long…if You could just heal me Lord.  I wonder if they had missed so much of their children’s lives, their favorite foods, the comfort of home, community, friends…I wonder if they had wanted healing so badly that they dreamed about it every night.  And then they had it and just kept going…no thanks…no stopping and running back to the one who had heard every prayer.  And for me, how long have I been praying?  How long have I asked for a happy healthy home that isn’t perfect, but sure is good?  How long have I prayed for my husband’s career, my children’s confidence, a car that was reliable, finances that were peaceful, for us to be a tight knit family, for health, healing, marriages…you name it?  How long?  And I just keep going as the prayers are answered.  Maybe offer the drive by thanks, but never fall on my face at the feet of my King to say that it was more than I asked for…

So, today, before this year goes on the shelf with all the others…tucked nicely away in some photographs I will never actually get off my phone…Today, before another step is taken …Today, before the celebration, the kiss at midnight, the fireworks, the champagne…Today, take a moment and run back to Jesus.  Have a praise and worship service at His feet for all the big and little and mundane prayers He answered.  He saw you.  He saw me.  He saw each of us.

Happiest of New Years.