I fail a lot.
In case you were ever wondering if I was an
amazing parent, just come visit my house around 5pm, Monday-Thursday when the
three big kids are doing homework and you will witness me failing…A LOT. It’s hard.
It really is. That time of day and
all the commotion, and all the needs and all the bad handwriting, popcorn
spills, petty arguments and lack of pencils all of a sudden everyday at
5pm. I sometimes think it is the worst
time of day, and the worst of me on display for my kids to remember in
counseling a few years down the road.
And honestly, it’s the worst with Jude.
He is my not-so-typical learner.
He is my kid that struggles with school.
He is my eight year old boy who acts like an eight year old boy, and is
easily knocked off task by the baby, the need for more snacks, some crime his
brother or sister committed unwittingly and any sparkly object. Homework with Jude is filled with begging,
redirection, breaks, pouting, giving up and the occasional high five as we
trudge nearer the end.
To make matters worse, Jude is
sandwiched between Jake and Grace. Jake
who blinks and his homework is finished and perfect. Jake who doesn’t work for his grades. Jake who is only 15 months older. Jake who can seem like the world’s greatest
student. Jake. Mr. Perfect.
And then there is Grace who loves to play, more than anything,
“Math”….you know, that fun game where you just do math problems. Grace who remembers everything she
hears. Grace who may be a pill, but
certainly performs well when tested.
Grace who never gets nervous ever about school. Grace who is younger. Grace who blurts out the answers to his own
math questions. Grace. Obnoxiously dancing on his toes. Daily.
I forget all these things about Jude.
I forget that his place in our family is crowded. I forget because I am human and I am just a
mom…
And 5pm is really hard, y’all.
And then God makes you breathe for just a moment. And I see things clearly. And my heart breaks a little. As Jude is sobbing. Sobbing.
His little, skinny body shaking as he cries. It is just Jude and I. The others have finished their homework and
are engulfed by Minecraft . A second ago
he was working on math homework, and now he sits crying. I am trying not to cry. I am on my knees in front of him, and before
I open my mouth to speak, I think better of it because I know…I know why he is
crying. And I just hold him, and let him
cry. I don’t ask him to explain. This is a no explanation needed type of
cry. This year, in third grade, in this
family, it is a hard road to be Jude Hooks.
And I know…because I am his mom…and I saw this road coming from a mile
away…since he was my itty bitty joy
filled boy…I knew he might not be able to see his type of special…and my job
was to always see it for him.
My Jude.
So far, the entire month of January, I keep returning to the
account in the New Testament about the Magi who made their way, following a
star, in search of the King of the Jews, to worship and give gifts to Him. You can find this account in Matthew 2:1-12,
and I keep coming back to it. Realizing
this takes place after the birth in the manger (even though most nativity
scenes would disagree). This took place
at Joseph and Mary’s house. The Magi see
the “child with his mother Mary, and bowed down and worshiped him.” (Matthew 2:11) I wonder what that day was like. Any old ordinary day in the life of a first
time mom. A day with your child. I wonder if it was one of the harder
days. Surely the neighbors had heard the
story, or at least a variation of the story.
Surely people had come to poke around and get a good look at the child
whose parents said he was the Messiah.
Surely there were whispers about
Joseph and Mary and especially Jesus.
Surely everything the child did was looked at and compared to, for
better or worse, to the children around Him.
It must have felt tiring to Mary at times. It would certainly feel tiring to Jesus
eventually, and she could see the road of her precious, special boy…her boy who
would clearly walk to the beat of a different drummer…she could see this road
would be a hard road. In those days when
Jesus was still small, she could see His feet would fall on different ground
than most, and that was a good thing…it was a needed thing. But it never changed the fact that it would
be a hard road. She was His mom. She could see the road ahead.
And in come the Magi.
How crazy is that? How crazy is
it in this little town, filled with ordinary people, the Magi come to visit
Mary’s house. I wonder if it caused a
scene. I wonder if everyone stood and
stared. I wonder if Mary wanted to
scream, “I told you so!”As the Magi bowed down to worship her boy Jesus. It must have felt huge. And as they gave Jesus the gifts of gold,
incense and myrrh did Mary take it all in?
Did she feel overwhelmed by the enormity of it all? Did she run to get Joseph? Did she hold Jesus’ hand? Did she hope that the events of this one day
might make the road a little smoother because surely everyone would remember
the day the Magi came to bow down and worship little Jesus…surely.
But it is not everyone’s job to remember each day God chooses to reveal
to us the unsurpassed specialness of our own child…
It is OUR job to remember.
Because that is what mom’s do.
We remind our children who they truly are…
It was Mary’s job to keep the gold, incense and myrrh in
Jesus’ life. It was Mary’s job to pull
out the treasures from the Magi on the days that were particularly hard or
horrible, and show Jesus how special He truly was….It was Mary’s job to remind
Him that the Magi worshipped Him, brought gifts, and knew that He was the King
of the Jews. If He ever needed reassurance,
Mary could grab the treasures and remind Jesus He was meant for so much more. It was Mary’s job to keep the treasures; those
priceless reminders in Jesus’ view His whole life. To share the story of that day over and over
again so it became part of what He knew about Himself in spite of what others
would surely tell Him about Himself. Mary
was tasked with holding tight the knowledge of the preciousness of Jesus. I wonder if she sat next to Jesus on the
anniversary of the day the Magi came each year and told Him who God created Him
to be…let Him see the gold, incense and myrrh and know His life had been
anticipated for ages, and wise men would follow a star into a little town just
for the chance to worship a heavenly King.
When Jude was about 3, we were at a park. Jake and Jude were playing on the
equipment. Grace was hanging out in a
baby swing. Some other children were at
the park too. They were there with what
appeared to be their grandmother, and they clearly spoke very little
English. It wasn’t long before Jude was
playing with them. Laughing. Running after them. No need to speak the same language. Fun is fun.
By the time we left, both children were waving goodbye to Jude saying,
“Bye Jude.” in broken English. How does
that happen after 20 minutes of play at a park?
How do you teach two non English speaking kiddos your name? How do you make friends so fast? You do if you’re Jude. Jude loves everyone big. It’s one of the things that makes him so
special…he has never met a stranger…there is always a friend to be made and a
fun time to be had. It is my job to keep
this treasure always in his view. Remind
him of the gift he was given…of the two kids waving and hollering his name so
many years ago…because to love that easily is a treasure, and a clear picture
of who God created my Jude to be.
It is my job as Mommy to bring those treasures to the
attention of my child who walks to the beat of a different drummer every time
he is looked over, deemed talentless, seen as different, suffers failure after
a week of trying to memorize his 3 multiplication facts…It is my job to take
him to look at his gold, his incense, his myrrh that God so lovingly gave
him. And God gave him so much. Jude loves completely, can do the robot
better than any 8 year old I’ve ever seen, laughs infectiously and is a friend
to all…He is my child who described the children in his class with disabilities
as having, “Special thoughts and deeds”.
When I corrected Jude, and said that they had “Special Needs”, he said I
was wrong and he knew their thoughts and deeds were special. He is a priceless piece of our family. He keeps us all together. And he gives incredible backrubs. He wants to be a music teacher someday so he
can teach kids music, and tell them about Jesus too. I can’t wait to see what Jesus does with his
life. It will be so far outside of any
box that I think we will all be floored.
It will be filled with love and laughter and good music too. His treasures are endless. But I am the one who will hold those treasures
up to him and say, “See, God knew what He was doing when He made you. He needed someone just like you to love
everyone big.”
God sent those Magi
that day for a million reasons…for the neighbors to see, for Mary to be
strengthened, for us to know that wise men were anxiously awaiting the birth of
the one true King. But He also sent
those Magi for Jesus, His precious child.
He sent them so that as Jesus grew Mary would tell the story over and
over about the day the Magi showed up, and here let me show you the treasures
they left us…And Jesus was given a mother here on earth who would never let Him
forget who God created Him to be…
And I will tell my Jude about the first day I heard him
laugh and my heart exploded with pure joy.
I will tell Jude about his love for a little boy named, Pharrell, whom
he had never met and how it made our whole family fall in love with Pharrell
too. I will tell him he used to wear a
chicken costume everywhere he went. I
will tell him he has the most beautiful singing voice. I will tell him about the boy in his church
class who he used to sit with, and help memorize his scripture because Alex had
seizure disorder and could barely talk…but Jude wanted him to have a piece of
candy like the rest of the kids. I will
tell him about his morning snuggles that made my day, or how he was an early riser
and hung on my hip while I made breakfast every morning. I will tell him he never met a stranger. I will tell him he brings out the best in all
of us. I will tell him that he is an
incredible dancer, wonderful comedian and my special boy sent to keep us all
loving way bigger than our hearts can stretch.
Because I am Jude’s mommy. And mommies
are the keepers of the treasures in our kiddo’s lives that reveal who God
created them to be.
So, today, as your child walks on a road less travelled or dances to
the beat of a far off drummer that no one else in the entire universe can hear…
Walk with them…
Dance with them…
And tell them all the treasures Jesus tucked into their heart to change
the world through them.
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