#4

The pregnancy test was super positive.  All three of them were super, instantly positive.  My husband and I were in shock.  Disbelief.  Silent.  Continuing to watch some random show on TV late at night on a Wednesday.  We had a lengthy discussion on the likelyhood of a false positive...realizing that this rarely happens.  More silence.  Lights turned off into wrestling fear, anxiety, not understanding God's will, wondering how Grace will do being a middle child, what if I have another girl, what if this kid will grow up like an only child, what if we will spoil the baby because "it's the baby", we are, in fact, horrible people...what is God thinking?????

Two days ensued of me telling God over and over He'd gotten this all sorts of wrong.  Two days of tears.  Two days of being oddly angry at my husband.  Two days of forcing the fact that Jesus asked me to quit taking birth control a year ago out of my head.  Two days of trying to forget last summer when my husband had said, "If you really want a fourth, let's have a fourth.", and the numerous ways I had talked him out of it.  Two long, pitiful, self obsessed days.  They were ridiculous, stupid, childish, but they were real and I had to argue it out with Jesus alone before I could move on.
The morning of the third day, I opened my eyes with a thought in my head of Noah building God's ark.  I thought of him on about year 75 of that ark building (it took him about 100 years to build the ark).  I thought about him waking up again to no rain, no flood, an ark that was way too gigantic to hide and the ongoing stares and certain questioning from his neighbors.  I thought of him possibly shouting, "Make it rain!  I said yes to everything you've asked of me!  This was not the plan I thought I was agreeing to...this was not what it was supposed to look like...this is not easy...this is not comfortable...just a little flooding please!"  Maybe that was the day everyone thought that Noah would for sure give up.  Maybe there were many more days of wondering what the heck the God of the Universe was up to with the whole ark-flood-animal-rescue-mission.  All I know is that from year 75 he kept going, and God asked me the morning of the third day of Baby Hooks #4 if I could imagine Noah at year 99 of obedience.
When I imagine Noah at year 99 of his ark building, I think of a man whose obedience had been so humbling and so daily and so big that maybe by year 99 he was just over his plan all together.  Maybe as the days and months and years had rolled by he began to take pride in nothing other than his relationship with God and his yes to the Almighty.  Maybe by year 99 Noah was so used to being "Crazy Noah" that he just smiled and put another nail in the enormous, God-sized plan. 

"Noah did everything just as God commanded him." Genesis 6:22

You see, I sometimes get stuck...my year 75.  I get stuck in how much the plan that God has for my life looks nothing like I imagine it.  I get stuck feeling too old, incompetent, out of touch, ignorant, tired, comfortable or anxiety ridden to complete the task at hand...sometimes I'm just plain mad that God didn't consult me first.  Sometimes I'm just God's bratty child throwing a tantrum at the foot of the cross.  Embarrassing sight. 
So, on day three, we told our children about the new Baby.  Their reaction was so big and contagious.  They didn't ask us where we were going to put the baby, or if we realized we needed a bigger car.  They didn't ask us if I was looking forward to changing diapers again, or if I was ready to get zero sleep for awhile.  They didn't ask us if we were surprised or excited because it was a baby!  And they were up from the table hugging me, talking to my tummy, picking out names and telling me all the things they would do for the baby.  And it was good, so desperately good, to see three little Hooks kids so excited about God's awesome plan.

I hope Noah had some little kids around him.  I hope he had atleast one or two that were just excited God had asked him to build something.  I hope Noah had a little kid who thought it was awesome he was building a huge, wooden ark to save all the animals.  I hope Noah was blessed with reminders along the way that God has this all under control, and our daily yes is a requirement whether we understand the plan or not.

So, surprise!  We are having Baby #4!  We are way far out of our comfort zone, and our blueprints have been trampled by the mighty feet of God.  We are truly blessed to know that Jesus loves our little family enough to change the road for us.  Jesus loves our little family enough to not ask ME what I had planned for 2012.  Jesus loves our little family enough to ask me to trust Him with the details...like how big it will be and how many will be on board...how tight the quarters...and where everyone will sleep.  He's got this.  And our yes (even when it is a yes with some tears and choice words and a little self pity on it) will take float.  With all my favorite people cozy inside with my yes.