No Deal

If you asked me in 2^nd Grade what I wanted to be when I grew up,

I would have told you two things:

Teacher or Writer.

This year I became a Writer.

This past year, in a million crazy ways, Jesus challenged me to begin to tell people I am a writer.  I have written that word, “writer” on all sorts of forms this past year at doctor’s offices or my kids’ school or on a million surveys.  It was weird at first and felt like a big lie, but as time has gone on it has gotten easier to put as my “occupation”…it still makes me smile and it still catches me off guard…but I don’t erase it three times or mark it out anymore.  I am a writer.  It is what Jesus has called me to do.  I write about Him in my everyday life.  I write about my faith.  I write about my family.  I write because He tells me to put words on paper and share them with whoever is out there in need of them.  It is, in short, the scariest thing I have ever done.  But I am a writer.  And so, as a writer, I write.  And this year I wrote a book.  A book about my life.  A book about my life and Jesus and how BIG He really is…And this book has sat for the last couple of months with a publishing house….isn’t that super exciting???  Yep.  Until you get the email letting you know there isn’t going to be an offer.  And then the excitement just turns to embarrassment.

And I am driving to my 20 year high school reunion...

With four kids and a great husband jammed in a minivan…

And a list 20 years long of all the amazing things that have happened…

And then the other list…

The list of amazing things that ALMOST happened.

And almost, y’all, really is as good as nothing.  And almost feels worse than lying.  Almost feels like don’t even mention it in the first place.  And why did I have to put myself out there for an Almost.  There is no Almost ribbon.  There is no Almost reward.  Almost feels horrible.  And this is why Hope is so hard.  And this is why it is easier to never try.  Almost feels like a death sentence to all of your dreams.  People can act all they want like getting to Almost is huge, but y’all, Almost really feels like nothing to me today.  Almost just feels like the last thing I want to talk about.  Can we just pretend that this Almost never happened at all???

There is a man in the Bible, in the Book of John, named, Nicodemus.  He is a Pharisee.  He is educated.  He is part of the top tier of the Jewish leaders.  He is questioning everything. He goes and speaks to Jesus at night and listens to Jesus tell him he must be reborn.  He stands up for Jesus later in the book of John.  Not an open, I-am-a-bold-follower-of-Jesus-so-back-off, type of stand up for Him, but Nicodemus deflects some anger from the Pharisees off of Jesus.  And somewhere between the meeting at night, and the moment of hey, don’t be so angry at Jesus, Nicodemus becomes a bold follower of Christ.  He goes all in.  He lets his guard completely down and knows there will be consequences for his actions.  And he accepts those consequences and wrestles them out and says YES to this following Jesus thing.  And he is in.  And he is a follower.  And he is taking chances.  With everything.  He is making the gamble of a lifetime.  And it is all good.  And it will be ok.  And if I make this crazy leap of faith, then it all works out, because you wouldn’t tell me to do something that didn’t have a fairy tale ending.  Neatly wrapped in a bow.  The 30 minute sitcom solution.  All my dreams come true.  Fingers crossed.  Wearing my, “I hope so”, on my shoulder.

And then Jesus was crucified.

He was hung on a cross, y’all, like a common criminal.

He was beaten and bloody and looked nothing like a king.

And He died, y’all.

Hope became an Almost that day.

As Jesus hung on a cross, a Pharisee became a Follower.  Nicodemus had no idea what God held in His mighty plan three days later.  Nicodemus did not know the stone would be rolled away, and Jesus would conquer death and the grave.  Nicodemus did not know on the day his Jesus died that Jesus would save the world and become the King of Kings.  He simply knew this amazing man, like no other, who spoke of things he had never heard, and offered more Hope than he could ever imagine…died.  And up until that point in history when someone was nailed to a tree, and hung there to die, they just did.  Nicodemus took all his Hope with him to the cross that day…and for all he knew, his Hope had just become an Almost nailed to a tree.  Nicodemus laid down all the power and praise and pride that came with being a Pharisee, and grabbed hold of The Carpenter King. 

Nicodemus the Pharisee took the lifeless body of Jesus in his arms.

Nicodemus the Pharisee prepared his Jesus for burial.

He anointed a common carpenter with oils fit for a King, y’all.

This was huge.  This was jumping off the cliff. 

This was taking your Almost in your hands and seeing Hope instead.

Because y’all, God doesn’t leave us with Almost.  God looked down at Nicodemus giving up everything he had ever worked for, stepping out on this crazy faith, taking the body of what was thought to be a liar, anointing his precious Jesus with oil, changing the course of his life forever because Jesus wanted his Almost to be so much more than Almost.  He wants our Almost to be the day our lives change.  The day we gave it all up for Him, and still found Hope to walk on.  He wants us to look in the face of disbelief and disillusion and dissolved dreams and see Hope.  He wants us to stand firm in all He promised us, and keep walking toward Him one Hope filled step at a time.  Even when all we are left holding is Almost. 

When we almost stayed together…almost had the baby…almost made it work…almost graduated…almost moved on…almost got the promotion…almost made the cut…almost caught a break…almost kept the house…almost found the one…almost saved the day…almost received the letter…almost got the deal…And there is just no deal.  And it may never come.  But for every Almost you are left holding there is this crazy blank slate of Hope.  Because in all the empty Almost, there is room for Jesus to work. 

We are Jesus people.

We know Jesus power.

We have seen lives change when the tomb is empty.

We have seen lives change when Hope hangs on a cross.

We know Hope that cannot be stopped.

Because Jesus Can’t Be Stopped, Y’all.  

Jesus Can’t Be Stopped.

So, I am sitting here with an almost published book, y’all.  I am sitting here on my big red chair again, writing, because He keeps telling me to write, and there is so much Hope in this writing.  We all are here, standing next to Nicodemus at the foot of the cross, wondering what happens next…if anything happens at all…do we just keep staring at all the things that Almost happened? Or do we get up and praise Jesus and tell Him again we know He is King?  Do we only see the things that Almost happened?  Or do we look at the place where we laid it all down, and know our Jesus has the power to resurrect any Almost He has called us to? And there is this Hope y’all.  There is this exciting Hope.  Filled with miracles and promises and you-have-no-idea-what-Jesus-is-up-to-but-He-is-always-up-to-something-good.  So, dig in.  So, stand firm.  So, look at all it has cost you, and I know it has cost you a lot, and breathe in deep the Hope of what is to come.  Because our empty hands are filled with His nail scarred Hope. 

“But whoever lives by the truth comes into the light, so that it may be seen plainly that what he has done has been done through God.” (John 3:21)

Shalom Y’all.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=26iP6Dnx3cY